For these few days, I have learnt that in order to have a healthy family, we have to keep away all the alcohol and all the vulgarities in the family. As alcohol can make you out of your mind and do things which you are not suppose to do and also spout things which will destroy the happiness in your family. And also have to make sure that don't blame each other no matter what happened, we must understand each other.

Everything's fine today. Wasn't a bad Monday after all. Father went to work late and after he left house, I went to check on my mother. She was quite fine. Just a little quiet today.
After she left home to fetch my cousin, I went to her room and saw the bag which she packed earlier in the morning was still there. Actually I think she wanted to move out of the house today and stay at my aunt house for a few weeks?
So I think she is feeling better today. She called in the evening asking of I have eaten and she say she going to buy dinner for me.
When she reached home she start talking to me like normal. And I just talk to her and make sure she answer back so I could be assure that she is fine every second. Didn't talk anything about yesterday. But just watch television, solve sudoku together with her. Guess this is the only way which can make her feel better. I was thinking of which country can I bring my mother to take a relax and quiet time. Hmm. Any idea? I really pity my mum for working so hard to raise us and she keep saving up every single cents she could to let us buy all the things we want. I guess after my poly days, I will work and earn money to bring my mum shopping and eat things that she never eat before. In just 2 more years! :) maybe when I have my attachment I can bring her out during weekends when I get my pay. I want to give my mum good life. I want her to live happily. Days with her are getting shorter when each day past.
When we were a baby, mum always do whatever she can to give us the best.
I know she really need a break. Maybe I could bring her to botanic garden one day to see orchid flower. I know she always love big purple orchid and a lot more kinds of orchid. Okay, I think I shall bring her there since there is mrt there already which is much more simple to travel there. Shall turn in now. Have to visit a doctor tomorrow. My sore throat getting worst.

It really heart broken to see my family becoming more and more apart. Sometimes, I really wonder when we are dead, where do we really go to. Or after we are dead there isn't a think call spirit?

Yes, I admit I have the idea of committing suicide. It only happened 1 year ago, after feeling real tired of handling all the shit things my parents are giving me. I don't know where I really stand in their heart. From my view, I feel that I have nothing for them to be proud of. The reason for me to keep breathing and carry on trying hard to solve the problem my family have is my boyfriend. It was him who keep telling me that parents have their own problems that we children cannot understand. That's why I'm trying hard to save this problem.

But seems like this problem can't be saved anymore. I witnessed my father giving my mum 2 slap on the face when she was drunk. Although my mother is a bit annoying in shouting and messing around when she was drunk. But I though the guy should not even slap girl even they are like that?! Where is the basic respect?! Now my mother decided to commit suicide tomorrow. I don't know is it words when she is drunk or she really want to jump down tomorrow, but what should I do now? Sigh. I'm going crazy soon. I wish once I fall asleep, I will never wake up again. Just continue sleeping.

Yes! Today is the last day for the week. Tomorrow I don't have to attend lesson. Because it's a holiday. There is graduation ceremony in my school that's why I don't have lesson tomorrow. Guess I have to use these days to study all the pass few modules to prepare myself for UT 1. Anyway, UT 1 is just about like 1 month later. So have to try get some A to increase my GPA. Seriously 2.5 GPA is not really good. I need to increase it.
Tomorrow will be staying at home and rot plus study. But if let say got people out there wanted to bring me go eat Sakae sushi I don't mind going out of my house instead if staying at home and rot. As for the study part, I will do my study in the morning and in the evening if someone bring me out to have Sakae buffet.

Guess most probably people won't have the time to have bring me there. It's okay, I'm used to it. Stay home for the next few days ba. Shall post tmr after I finish doing my notes Okays? Byes.

Okays, finally I start to envy couples with photos of kissing. Like those mouth to mouth? I don't know why I suddenly have this jealousy thoughts, but it's just came naturally.
Anyway, I just came back from hubby house overnight. Just cook him some dish and after we ate, we just play iPhone game together. Nothing special happened. Sleep, wake up and eat again. Went home about evening.

Ya, reached home and after my brother made a comment on the tasty rice my mother cook today, my father start to ask my mother don't cook his rice from tmr onwards. Blah blah blah...
They start a quarrel again. Alright, I really think that my father really just have to keep his mouth shut whenever he drink. Seriously, nothing happened before he give all those stupid comment which made my mother sad. Dumb! I really don't wish to scold him here. But where can I vent all my anger at?! To his face? If I said it to his face, I will become a unfilial daughter right?
Talk to someone doesn't really help. I really tried a lot of times. It just doesn't help at all. I'm tired of all this.

I need care and concern, moral support and really in need the sense of belonging in the family. But I found none. In fact, it build me fear of my future marriage. :(

Alright, I'm going to sleep soon. Have lesson tmr. :/

Finally it's Friday! Tomorrow I will be going to HUBBY's house to overnight. Going to spend time with him this weekend. He fall sick and yet still have to go for his attachment night shift. Poor thing. :( tmr I'm going to cook him some herbal tea and some food which will boost his speed of recovery. :) a soup with some carrots, potatoes, corn. Another one is cai xin with some sauces. And also grilled salmon. I google and they say salmon can increase number of white blood cells in the body. Okays, I have been paying attention in class too much. And it's so not like me! But this is really important.
Immune system is really very important! So we have to boost our immune system okay! :)
I'm sure that everyone wanted to stay healthy right? :)
My boyfriend is sick and he didn't go see any doctor. So I have to be his doctor, since he have no medicine to boost his immune system. :)
Guess tmr morning the first tomhing I wake up is plan what to buy and head to the wet market! Fresh food will have more nutrient right? I'm not sure. But fresh food won't result in diarrhoea.
So I have to wake up early and be some kiasu Singaporean! :)
Alright, I shall turn in now. Post soon! :)

A present from my very best friend! :) she shocked me when I went to signpost to collect the parcel. Is like so big till I go difficulties to carry it. :) hahah.. She know I'm going overseas in sept with my boyfriend and also I don't have a luggage, so she bought me one or my birthday. :) nice right? Thanks to those who wished me happy birthday and also celebrate with me. :)
Sincerely thanks you! :)

Hubby started his attachment and I'm bored. Is like we are from different world. When he is alseep, I'm awake to school. When he is awake working, I'm sleeping. :O We really have a lot to catch up. Think I will be able to cook him a meal with a very low price budget. I will post what I cook soon Okays?! :)

Alright, got to school now and I saw Jia Yi and Valerie. :) have to catch up with them too. :)

20 years old birthday in 2 days time. But nothing I'm looking forward to. Parents have been quarrelling over stuffs every night. Which I can't even sleep well during the night which made me fall sick easily recently. Though is a small illness which I will always go school with it. But come to think about it, staying at home to keep a look out on my mother will be a better choice. How to concentrate on my school work when these things are bothering me? Can you imagine my mother actually drink beer in the morning like 8am?! Is like making me worried that when I really go school she will commit suicide. I really afraid that this will happened. At times when I thought of this, I really can't control my tears.
No one is really there for me when I need a listening ear. All of them have their own life and own things to worry about.

Another thing I'm unhappy about is that boyfriend going friend's house overnight. I understand that my friend is going to army soon that's why he want to spend time with him. But why he go stay at his house? Thought chalet just over? Though everyday Dota with him till late night?! Why he didn't think that he is going to have his shift work soon? He won't have much time to accompany me and maybe sleep is the only thing we can do together?
Whenever I bring this up, will end up quarrelling. But, what about how I feel? I may be understanding at times, but why I don't have the say?
The only thing I can do is to be alone at most time.

I wish I'm understanding. But who can be the understanding one to care about how I feel and why I'm always behaving like this?
Maybe I don't deserve to be happy.