20 years old birthday in 2 days time. But nothing I'm looking forward to. Parents have been quarrelling over stuffs every night. Which I can't even sleep well during the night which made me fall sick easily recently. Though is a small illness which I will always go school with it. But come to think about it, staying at home to keep a look out on my mother will be a better choice. How to concentrate on my school work when these things are bothering me? Can you imagine my mother actually drink beer in the morning like 8am?! Is like making me worried that when I really go school she will commit suicide. I really afraid that this will happened. At times when I thought of this, I really can't control my tears.
No one is really there for me when I need a listening ear. All of them have their own life and own things to worry about.

Another thing I'm unhappy about is that boyfriend going friend's house overnight. I understand that my friend is going to army soon that's why he want to spend time with him. But why he go stay at his house? Thought chalet just over? Though everyday Dota with him till late night?! Why he didn't think that he is going to have his shift work soon? He won't have much time to accompany me and maybe sleep is the only thing we can do together?
Whenever I bring this up, will end up quarrelling. But, what about how I feel? I may be understanding at times, but why I don't have the say?
The only thing I can do is to be alone at most time.

I wish I'm understanding. But who can be the understanding one to care about how I feel and why I'm always behaving like this?
Maybe I don't deserve to be happy.