It really heart broken to see my family becoming more and more apart. Sometimes, I really wonder when we are dead, where do we really go to. Or after we are dead there isn't a think call spirit?

Yes, I admit I have the idea of committing suicide. It only happened 1 year ago, after feeling real tired of handling all the shit things my parents are giving me. I don't know where I really stand in their heart. From my view, I feel that I have nothing for them to be proud of. The reason for me to keep breathing and carry on trying hard to solve the problem my family have is my boyfriend. It was him who keep telling me that parents have their own problems that we children cannot understand. That's why I'm trying hard to save this problem.

But seems like this problem can't be saved anymore. I witnessed my father giving my mum 2 slap on the face when she was drunk. Although my mother is a bit annoying in shouting and messing around when she was drunk. But I though the guy should not even slap girl even they are like that?! Where is the basic respect?! Now my mother decided to commit suicide tomorrow. I don't know is it words when she is drunk or she really want to jump down tomorrow, but what should I do now? Sigh. I'm going crazy soon. I wish once I fall asleep, I will never wake up again. Just continue sleeping.